loveyourself

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I read the first 50 pages of Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw today.  Not only do I see myself differently.  I see everyone differently.  

In the past year or so, I've promised myself I'll put together a Life List.  Everyone is doing it.  Even Ellen has one.  Little did I know there are websites made just for Life Lists. 

LifeList.com 

Superviva

Today I decided to get back in the "race".  I'm going to do the Pic365 project to motivate myself to start taking pictures again.  Here's Raggedy Ann for the first day.  Mom made her for me.  She was a talented woman and I miss her dolls. 

I think I will photograph some of the other dolls who are wearing things she made for them.   

It's come up before and it will come up again. Part of learning to like myself should probably involve affirmations, but when I say them I feel like I'm lying to myself.  While going over a webpage on affirmations I tried to come up with three.  They feel more like confessions than affirmations.  For whaterver reason, it makes me feel like a schmuck when I say I believe in myself.  

   "Mirror, mirror on the wall…."

1. I can…
2. I will…
3. I am…

(OK, it's been about fifteen minutes and I still can't come up with one so…this will have to go in the "to be con't." pile, but I promise myself I will keep trying.)

Affirmations

Thought of the Day:  When we remind ourselves of what is happening inside our bodies, we realize we are miracles.

  Today I went to church for the first time in several months.  It was something I wanted to do after spending this first week after Easter finding Jesus repeatedly even in my now earth centered beliefs.  Something felt right; somehow I was able to use metaphor to see the way the church could still nurture me.

I got to thinking while I was there and jotted something down on the church bulletin so I would remember:  it is difficult to worship in isolation.  If I can't find a place that meets my specific needs, I hope I can find what I need in church as I translate it into something that leaves me feeling fulfilled.  In my heart, I know no faith needs to close minds and close doors.  This means I can become someone who builds bridges rather than  destroys them.

 Random Joys –
ScrapJazz , Daily Zen

Questions of the Day:  If someone is helped by the words of a writer, does that make the writer a healer?

Now I've sent out an email to both Ellen Degeneres and Dr. Phil about doing some shows that motivate and help get people who survived Katrina back in their homes and back on their feet. 

i emailed ellen and i thought i'd email dr. phil also about doing a "weekly" or "monthly" on what is happening with hurricane katrina.  i wonder if a "how i spent my summer vacation" series of dr. phil's might be a way people can help katrina survivors and be on dr. phil at the same time.  maybe families can spend their summer vacation helping to rebuild then get treated by dr. phil to concerts and dinners with famous locals from the areas damaged by katrina.  i thought a "reality show" of people helping people devastated by katrina could get things going down there. 

I made typos and grammar mistakes and was vague and confusing in parts of the email, but I am glad I didn't obsess about that kind of stuff.  I was focused totally on helping victims of Hurricane Katrina.  I think if people aren't exposed to the tragedy and lack of motivation in getting things rebuilt, they'll forget.  Sometimes I think we are jerks for forgetting, but I think it's more a case of feeling helpless when we consider all those who need our help throughout the world.  

 Still we need to work on remembering and then getting out of our own way to be there for someone in need.  The victims of Katrina are only a small percentage of what we ignore. 

 It seems practical for us to pull it together as a team and just do one small thing at a time, but be fully committedto making it better .  I think that is the real "Secret".  We close our eyes and then we forget.  Listen, here's my plan:

  I'll get on your case if you get on mine.  I'll stop procrastinating and saying if I won the lottery or retired or didn't have so much stuff on my own to do lists.  I often remind myself of some of the quotes of Mother Teresa that help me set realistic goals and expectations.  Here are some of them.

"In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love."

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one."

"Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do… but how much love we put in that action."

"Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand."  

More quotes by Mother Teresa

 Dr. Phil

Habitat for Humanity 

Two Hearts Design 

While drifting from link to link the past half hour, I ended up at an interesting page with a list of  "50 Women Who Changed The World".  Sappho is the first on the list (surely it's only because it's chronological, but still).  It doesn't bother to mention she was a lesbian.  That's progress when someone like Sappho can be who she is without adding that extra bit of information.  Think of it.

It really doesn't matter most times.  If I include Sappho's same sex love preference just because it seems more important than any of her poems, does that mean I should include Helen Keller (#25 on the list) and Princess Diana (#50) are heterosexual?.

  I have always taken it so personally when someone thinks it's more important to see the lesbian versus the caring, committed, respectful and loving partner. 

But wait.  Let's not ignore all the others that get their fair share of  voyeurs.  Doesn't the media pay lots and lots of attention to what everyone is doing behind closed doors?  Mary Magdalene at #3 is still trying to shrug off the thousands of years people squabbled about whether she was a prostitute or Jesus' wife.  #27 is Eleanor Roosevelt who was pulled out of the closet she hided in despite marrying a Roosevelt; nothing could save her.  Not even a Roosevelt!  

 As for Marilyn Monroe…we won't even go there. And there are all the lustful stories about Madonna (#49) which probably sold half her earliest records (until people realized that behind her kink was a talented woman).  Anna Nicole's situation is as sad now as it was when she was alive.  It's pathetic when you think of how this woman's son died in the same hospital room she was in as the mother of newborn, Dannielynn.  We couldn't give her a minute's peace to gather some strength to go on; we had to critique the way she was grieving.  

Seriously, how many people felt compassion for her as she dealt with a newborn, postpartum hormones and a son who died when her daughter was born.  Let the woman rest in peace now.  I wish we could do that, but you know what?

We won't.  Ten years from now people will still be butchering her ghost.  And that really pisses me off!

So why should I be so offended when people want to get into my business?  You know what I mean?  I think I'll just say… 

Puh-leaze!  Not even Oprah escapes all the speculation.   Have you heard people pondering recently about whether Oprah and Gayle are getting it on?  Is everyone not getting enough action that they have to gossip about the sexual habits of the rest of everyone else in the world?  You know what?

Get a life!  Just get a life, you snoopy people! 

It's a lot more than a problem with homophobia; it's because the favorite pastime of many people is gossiping.  What if every time someone put down a gay person we switched the subject to the details of the homophobic's bedroom habits?  Maybe the lgbt are just getting more so we have more to  talk about.  If someone is so obsessed with who I choose to love, they really need to get a life or at least get their minds out of the gutter and back on their marriage.

 There!  I got that off my chest.

 The list that inspired this post

The Sacred Texts' Sappho material

i have mental illness.  call it ptsd or depression or anxiety or whatever, but say it respectfully.  i have to request that because i have dealt with all the stigma.  

being treated like you're a psychopath isn't easy.  people who are having trouble with their bipolar disorder meds might not have told anyone at work they even have bipolar issues.  instead they'll say they have "another cold" or "food poisoning" or "that bug that's going around".  everyone thinks they're either goofing off or a hypochondriac or a weakling.

 it's easier to cope with the reputation of a hypochondriac than say we can't keep our eyes open because we're not used to the latest change in medication.   isn't that sad?  considering just about everyone has emotions and feelings and neurosis, it is really a shame we can't just come out of the closet.

 anyway, i haven't really made my confession yet.  yes, i have mental illness, but, on top of it, i belong to….

ok, are you ready? 

i belong to a club house.   Most people probably don't even know what that is, but it doesn't sound like a place where adults hang out, does it?  Club houses are places where some people with mental illness go for socializing.  They give us the valuable interaction with peers to be ourselves and to be accepted for who we are.  having it out in the open that every member has mental health issues helps a lot.  we can stop hiding.

if it were up to me, they wouldn't be called "club houses".  i feel like i should have a mickey mouse hat.  the term club house is degrading.  maybe if we called it "the center" (you know, like they call hangouts for seniors "senior center").  even if it just meant removing the word club and calling it a "house" which is what my club house is in anyway.  i don't think i'm in a club, but in a center in a house.  you see what i mean?  

instead they call it a clubhouse and that just sets us up for more disrespect from the ones who think mentally ill people are dangerous and should be kept in cages (i seriously heard someone say recently, "do they let them out at night?").

even though i don't like the term for the place i hang out at, i have to say it is a huge service to a population with a very specific need.  where someone with arthritis might require a cane, people with mental illness often require support to function well.   in that respect, i think we members are as valuable as the staff at these places are.  sometimes you just need someone to look in your eye and say, "i notice you and i care that you and i are together."

want to learn more about clubhouses or mental illness?  here, let me help you with a couple good links:

 International Center for Clubhouse Development

Nami